I’ve always know I should go to yoga, knew it would benefit me but boy, was I not ready. Its taken me 44 years to learn how to sit with myself and feel grounded and in the past few years of being sober, Ive finally learned how to slow my mind down and listen to my breath and be able to be calm. My life thrived on the pace of New York and it was my drug. Drama and anxiety was the only way I knew how to function and I thought it was good for me, kept me going and gave me energy. Well, thats all over now.
Maybe its because I’m getting older, maybe because I’m sober and maybe its because I live in Malibu, but I’m finally able to sit peacefully in a space where I can just breath and enjoy the peace and quite. And Hot Power Yoga also is so hard that you’re concentrating on holding your body in the right position instead of ruminating about something that doesn’t really matter.
So what happened yesterday, in my favorite class at Malibu Beach Yoga, is at the end, just the perfect song came on and I was simply stretching over my legs and touching my toes, when I felt how strong I was and how connected to my body I was. I had the deepest appreciation for my body and what it has accomplished. I’ve never experienced anything like it but I just felt so alive and empowered and had that burning bush moment where I just saw everything so clearly. I was rewarding my body for all the shit I’ve put it through and was just overwhelmed with how strong, beautiful and courageous I’ve am. Not beautiful in a superficial way but in a all’s functioning, all’s healthy and strong kind of beauty that Ive rarely noticed and acknowledged before.
I’ve spent my whole life beating my body up with diets and exercise to stay thin. I’ve picked myself apart and have only found what was wrong with my looks instead of recognizing what was right.
Today I have so much appreciation for my body and how its carries me through life, how its survived Breast Cancer, given birth to 2 healthy girls and getting stronger as I get older. The physical benefits are amazing as well, but these days my heath and wellbeing are more important than anything else and I’m so happy that I have finally welcomed yoga into my life to help me long! Better late than never, right?